I stared into the bathroom mirror and asked myself a very important question: How many people out there can tell I'm faking it?
Not exactly the inspirational pre-event pep talk I was hoping for.
I had done everything right. Really, I had. I'd lined up another speaker to carry most of the load. I'd purchased the decorations and gifts weeks in advance. I'd even managed to say "no," which, if you know me, is practically an Olympic sport, to several things threatening to crowd my calendar. When the back tweak hit, I rested. When the newsletter deadline loomed, I pushed it back without guilt. When the company arrived, I graciously excused myself when needed.
I had managed my time, my energy, and my expectations. I was practically a wellness guru.
And yet, there I stood, more tired than when the week began, staring at a reflection that told the whole unvarnished truth: exhausted, achy, and decidedly not excited to minister to anyone. The smile was plastered in place. The enthusiasm? Nowhere to be found.
"Why do I always end up here?" I muttered at the mirror. "I pray. I prepare. I rest. And I still arrive at every single event running on fumes."
And then came the guilt, that special, church-flavored guilt that only servants of God can truly appreciate. Because it's not just tiredness, is it? It's the nagging suspicion that a truly spiritual person would be brimming with joy and energy. That if you were faithful enough, devoted enough, or organized enough, you'd breeze into the room glowing like a Christmas tree instead of flickering like a bulb on its last leg.
Can I let you in on something that changed my entire perspective?
Second Corinthians 4:7 says, "But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the excellency of the power may be of God, and not of us."
Earthen vessels. Clay pots. And clay pots, if you haven't noticed, are not particularly glamorous. They crack. They chip. They get weary. They sometimes show up to the party looking a little worse for wear. But here is the glorious thing about a cracked clay pot: it isn't the pot that matters. It is the treasure inside. And when that pot is cracked and worn, the light inside spills out all the more brilliantly.
Friend, on the days when you are exhausted, hurting, and genuinely doubting your usefulness to the Kingdom, you are not failing. You are being the exact kind of vessel God loves to use. Because when you show up to an event you barely had the energy to attend, when you press through the pain and fatigue and the plastered smile, and God moves in that room anyway, nobody walks away thinking, What a capable woman. They walk away thinking, There is something in her that I don't have, and I want it.
That "something" is the treasure. And the treasure is not you. The treasure is Christ in you.
Paul goes on to say in verses 8 and 9: "We are troubled on every side, yet not distressed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; cast down, but not destroyed."
Cast down, but not destroyed. Did you make it to the event? Did you show up? Did you smile at someone and mean it, even if just for a moment? Did someone receive a gift, hear a word of encouragement, feel the warmth of a community that cares?
Then you were not a failure. You were a cracked pot, which is precisely what God uses best.
The next time you stand before that mirror, wondering how many people can see through your smile to the pain in your eyes, remember this: they may see exactly what God intended them to see. Not the polished, put-together version of you, but the real, weary, I'm-doing-this-anyway version of you. And that, my friend, is a testimony more powerful than any well-rested, fully prepared performance could ever be.
You showed up. And with Christ as your treasure, that is more than enough.