I am the type of person who has no desire to be the center of attention or in the middle of a confrontation. For this reason, when I'm at church or out in the public, I do my very best to put on a "happy face," no matter what may be amiss in my life. This, in itself, is not a problem. The problem lies in the times when I'm at home, and, after holding in my feelings all day, I feel the need to do some serious venting. I complain about being wronged. I whine about getting my feelings hurt. I'm moody about something that didn't go my way. Woman of influence? Maybe. But, the right kind? Not always. I'm sure if some of my dearest friends at church saw me in my own home sometimes, they would not recognize me as the same person. It's almost like I'm bipolar, swinging from one end of the mood spectrum to the other.
My prayer is that the Lord will help me to live up to the labels others have placed on me. I pray that what they see at church will be what I live each day. I implore Him to give me the strength to keep that "happy face" all the time, and not just for the sake of appearances.
"Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me." Psalm 51:10