For those of you who haven't heard, my husband, Jason, started his new job this week. He was laid off in January, and we've been struggling to make ends meet for months now. Despite the temptation to cry and pout, we've tried to be strong and keep the attitude that God knows what He's doing, and He must have something special in mind. And so, we've kept the faith, and we've waited, searching the classifieds, filling out job applications, etc.
A couple of weeks ago, a friend e-mailed me and asked if Jason was still looking for work. She went on to explain that they had lost one of their workers, and they needed someone who could start immediately. At first, I was very excited. Finally, I thought. This is what we've been waiting for. God's perfect timing, right? Then, I started thinking about the situation in a little more detail.
The good part is: (1) I know these people to be good Christian people, (2) They work from their home which is less than a mile from our house, (3) The work is a good fit for Jason. The bad part is: (1) The pay is about $2/hr less than what he was making before, (2) We were both really hoping to have our online business up and running to the point that he could continue to work from home, (3) With his hours of 8-5, there won't be much time for hiking or any other family activities.
We prayed. Oh, how we prayed! We wanted to make sure this was the Lord's will. After all, we've been waiting for almost 7 months. We were expecting something spectacular. We were expecting something miraculous. Instead, we got something mediocre. We were anticipating filet mignon, and instead were given a hot dog. The more I thought about the situation, the more I found myself saying, "Lord, Is this what we've been waiting for? Is this the grand plan You had in store for us? I'm sorry, but I'm not impressed."
This plagued me for several days until I finally had my "breakdown." No, I'm not talking about a mental breakdown. I'm talking about letting go of all the steam I'd been holding in for seven months. It wasn't pretty! (My eyes are still sore and swollen from the crying.) "It's not fair," I told Jason. "We trusted Him. We waited for Him. We did everything He told us to do, and this is His reward?"
Jason straightened me out very quickly. (He usually does.) He reminded me that God has met our needs for the past seven months even without work. He reminded me that we have not missed a meal. He reminded me that we still have clothes to wear, a house to live in, and a car to drive. He reminded me that God has given us seven months to spend A LOT of time together. In essence, he pointed out my ungratefulness. Needless to say, I was put in my place, and I needed to be. I apologized to Jason for my attitude. I apologized to the Lord for my lack of faith and thankfulness.
Things are better now. I don't have all the things I would like to have, but I've been reminded that I have all I need. And for that, I am thankful!