Not What I Asked For

God truly works in mysterious ways, and I've discovered that the more I try to make sense of the things He does, the more confused and confounded I become.  Take, for example, my personality.  I'm a planner, a list-maker and an organizer.  I take the verse that says "let all things be done decently and in order" very seriously.  I like to have a plan and to be prepared for whatever the day may hold.

Since God made me and gave me that type of personality, common sense would dictate that He would place me in situations where that particular trait could thrive.  But, no, that's not how God has chosen to work.  Instead, He has placed me in an occupation that is as unpredictable as anything else I know.  He has given my husband a job with hours that vary from day to day, week to week and even hour to hour.  He has allowed me to suffer physical ailments that flair up at the most inopportune times to sidetrack my well-laid plans and delay my appointments.  Yes, it seems that every area of my life is out of control.  Well, out of my control, at least.  How can I make a schedule when work hours and obligations are constantly changing?  How can I maintain a routine when I don't know from one day to the next how well my body is going to cooperate?  How can I plan when so many things are constantly up in the air?

For me, it's frustrating.  I don't like "flying by the seat of my pants."  I'm not comfortable "winging it."  And God knows that, yet He has placed me where I am for a reason.  Possibly because I'm a little too comfortable having control.  Perhaps, it's because I need to depend less on myself and my plans and more on Him and His plans.  Sometimes, God has to nudge us out of our comfort zones to help us to see that without Him we can do nothing.  I think He also needs to remind us that, despite appearances in our comfort zones, we are not the ones in charge.  He is.

To be honest, some days I look at my life and argue, "God, this is not what I asked for."  But amidst the chaos and confusion, I hear His gentle voice as He reassures me, "No, it's not, my child.  It's better.  Trust me."

For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts. - Isaiah 55:8-9