When You’ve Done Everything Right and Still Feel Like You Failed
I stared into the bathroom mirror and asked myself a very important question: How many people out there can tell I'm faking it?
Not exactly the inspirational pre-event pep talk I was hoping for.
I had done everything right. Really, I had. I'd lined up another speaker to carry most of the load. I'd purchased the decorations and gifts weeks in advance. I'd even managed to say "no," which, if you know me, is practically an Olympic sport, to several things threatening to crowd my calendar. When the back tweak hit, I rested. When the newsletter deadline loomed, I pushed it back without guilt. When the company arrived, I graciously excused myself when needed.
I had managed my time, my energy, and my expectations. I was practically a wellness guru.
And yet, there I stood, more tired than when the week began, staring at a reflection that told the whole unvarnished truth.
When the Storm Hits Again!
Have you ever felt like you're constantly cleaning up the same mess over and over again? Like, no matter how hard you work, another disaster is waiting just around the corner?
Recently, the forestry workers did a major clean-up on the trails where Jason and I like to walk Tess. After several storms battered our area, downed trees and branches had turned our favorite hiking paths into an obstacle course. The crew spent days out there with heavy machinery, clearing debris and making everything safe again. I remember thinking how wonderful it was to see the trails restored and ready for use.
But then, just a few days after they finished, another wave of storms rolled through Wales. More trees came down. More branches littered the paths. In fact, the trails looked worse than they did before the first cleanup.
When the World Turns
This morning I woke up with a terrible case of vertigo. After having a rough weekend battling pain from my fibromyalgia, I was hoping to start the week feeling better and ready to tackle my growing to-do list. But, alas, such was not the case.
Instead, I lay in bed trying to get my world to stop spinning. Every time I shifted my head even slightly, the room whirled around me like I was trapped on some cruel amusement park ride. Tess could sense something was wrong and snuggled up closely as if to reassure me with her steady presence.
"So, I guess it's just going to be one of those days!" I mumbled, closing my eyes against the dizziness.
Have you ever felt that way? Not necessarily dealing with vertigo, but with the sensation that your entire life is spinning out of control?
When Plans Go Pear-Shaped
Have you ever had one of those days where Murphy's Law isn't just a saying but your personal reality? Jason and I experienced that miserable phenomenon this week. It began with my writing. Every task I attempted was met with utter frustration. What should have taken a couple of minutes ended up taking over an hour. It seemed like no matter which way I turned, I encountered a stumbling block or a brick wall. Seriously?
When we finally surrendered to the technological gremlins and decided to take our daily walk with Tess, the Welsh weather joined the conspiracy. The moment we stepped outside, the clouds unleashed what felt like the entire Irish Sea upon our heads. Lovely!
"It's just a light drizzle," Jason said optimistically as we trudged along, our clothes growing heavier with each step. By the time we made it home, we resembled three drowned rats (though Tess, admittedly, looked the most pitiful).
When Prayer Disappoints
"No, I don't believe in God, and if there is one, I don't want anything to do with Him."
The words were spoken with such anger that I paused before responding, but I couldn't ignore the urging from the Holy Spirit.
"May I ask why?" I inquired.
"Because I prayed just like I was taught, but God didn't answer. He didn't give me what I asked for. So either there isn't a God, or He's just not reliable."
My heart sank. This was not the first time I'd heard this reasoning for doubting God and His goodness. Since arriving in Wales, I've encountered this view repeatedly. How does the concept of prayer become so misconstrued? Where do people get the idea that God is merely a genie in a bottle, waiting to grant their every request? Sadly, it often starts in our pulpits.